Thank you for being you

It's way too hard to express  these feelings. They overwhelm me, but in a good way. Nothing matters when I'm with him. It doesn't matter if we're talking in the school's cafeteria or in a nice restaurant deciding what to eat. He's everything I ever wanted. Sometimes I even think that he's more than I deserve. Whoever said love doesn't exist wasn't with the right person. When I'm with him I'm myself and I'm not afraid. I feel protected, i feel loved and alive next to him. He makes my life worth living. He's different, he's very unpredictable and has so much to give. My heart feels huge from all the love he gives me. This feeling is beautiful, it's huge and heart warming. I never imagined i could actually feel like this but I do and I love it. Life is perfect as long as I'm with him <3

He never said go

He never told me he wanted me to go and somehow it was my mistake and i have let him down once again. he says I'm pushing him and taking advantage of everything he gives me but truth is, i try to ask for as little as possible because i know he will say no. i know why i do the things i do, i have my reasons  but he's never asked for them. He doesn't hear me out, he can't see how much everything hurts. he can't feel my pain. he can't see how afraid i am. He can't see how tired i am of trying to fit in everywhere we go. He's pushing me, i need my time. I need time to get over the  people we left behind, to forget the friendships that were supposed to last forever but didn't last more than a week after we moved. For some reason i forget about all that when I'm in band, that's why i have no problems making friends but take me out of the band hall and I'm out of my comfort zone. I'm almost invisible in all my classes except band. he's never stopped to ask me how i feel about the moving, no one can understand how big of a deal it actually is. I'm sorry for not being your perfect daughter.

He's broken

Not very often but once in a while he lets his problems get the worst out of him. He goes on and on about how his family has made some pretty bad choices and how he hasn't had a good life so he doesn't deserve to be happy. It's hard for me to deal with all that because I feel like everything I say either makes him or breaks him. I often don't know what to do or say. On top of that, I often wonder if he feels like that every single day and hides it or if they're just mental breakdowns. I worry about him... he might not realize it but i just want him to be happy. He pushes people away from his life because he can't see how good he can be to other people, he would rather be alone than with someone that cares about him. He's broken in so many pieces and i'm afraid he will never recover because all he sees is something that's been shattered and will never be any good but all I see is something that was broken to create something better. He says he can't forget his past and where he comes from, I say that he can move on and have a better future. We often don't think alike but we sure have one thing in common: we want the other to be happy. I'm willing to learn how to make him feel better, i'm willing to be by his side but I don't think he's willing to wait for the right time for us to be together or for life to be any better. The change is in his hands but he can't see it. It's complicated.