He never said go

He never told me he wanted me to go and somehow it was my mistake and i have let him down once again. he says I'm pushing him and taking advantage of everything he gives me but truth is, i try to ask for as little as possible because i know he will say no. i know why i do the things i do, i have my reasons  but he's never asked for them. He doesn't hear me out, he can't see how much everything hurts. he can't feel my pain. he can't see how afraid i am. He can't see how tired i am of trying to fit in everywhere we go. He's pushing me, i need my time. I need time to get over the  people we left behind, to forget the friendships that were supposed to last forever but didn't last more than a week after we moved. For some reason i forget about all that when I'm in band, that's why i have no problems making friends but take me out of the band hall and I'm out of my comfort zone. I'm almost invisible in all my classes except band. he's never stopped to ask me how i feel about the moving, no one can understand how big of a deal it actually is. I'm sorry for not being your perfect daughter.